Thursday, January 31, 2013

Thankful Thursday

Tonight I made dinner for my husband and it felt good. Actually twice this week I have made dinner for my husband. I even did the dishes right after dinner. One of my favorite things to do is to care for my husband and my children. It is something I do not take lightly. It is an honor and a privilege to be able to have a family to care for. I have not talked about this on my blog but my family has been going through trials the last few months. Trials make it sound so much easier than it is actually. I kind of feel fake blogging like everything is perfect when really things are scary, things are unknown. So back to making dinner, for much of the last couple of months I have shut down when my husband walks in the door. Honestly, lots of days I have shut down before he gets home. Oh I do my errands and talk to friends and smile and put on my fake face. I keep up with the house in a reasonable way. But inside (well and most days on the outside) I am crying. On Sunday night I was having a rough night full of anxiety. Anxiety has had me not sleeping well. Combine that with being tired from being pregnant and well it is not good. Anyways, I knew we had an important meeting on Monday so at some point in the night I was up worrying about the meeting. I am a planner. So I had it mapped out that if A happened then we would do B but if B happened then we would have to do B and C. Over and over I went over all the bad ways this meeting could turn out. That’s when it hit me. Why do I not trust? I have never been left alone, I have never gone hungry, and I have always had what I needed. I decided then that from now on when Satan is telling me all the wrong things I have done and all the bad things that are going to happen I will stop then. I will instantly start reminding myself of all the praises in my life. Of all the times he has been there for me. For example: When my brother died I was in the states visiting my dad which meant I was able to spend those last couple of precious days with my brother. We were stationed in Germany. When my baby boy was born I said I wanted no one in the room with me. Yet 2 friends showed up. So when my son was born and was ill I had them there to pray with me while my husband stayed with our boy. When we lost a baby he gave me a friend willing to keep my other child so I could grieve and deliver our precious blessing. The same friend who had just delivered a precious baby days before. When we had our preemie and I was in the hospital for 5 weeks he made it possible for my mother in law to be there to take over. She had recently lost her job. The job she had had for almost 20 years. When we were given our two precious boys there were a million ways he was there. First, we needed money for legal fees. We had exactly $1208 in savings. Would you like to know how much the first legal payment was? That’s right $1200. When we brought them home and had nothing he provided friends who jumped on it and gave us beds and toys and clothes. He gave us everything they could need or want. When I was in high school I was in a pretty serious car accident. At the time my mother did not drive. I was 3 hours from home. He provided someone to stay with my mom and then drive us home. Who did he provide? I will give you a hint. That man is the same man that I cooked dinner for tonight. So why do I lose sleep, why do I set and cry over the unknown. So for today I am going to praise. I am going to remind myself of how God has been there for me every step of my life. I am going to turn on my praise music and enjoy what I have. I am going to cook my husband dinner and snuggle my children and take a deep breath. That does not mean I will not cry. But I will continue to trust and have faith that he is there. That he knows what will happen over the next few weeks or months and he will give me the strength to handle it. How do you handle stress? How do cope when you feel hopeless? Today I turn to the word of God. Today, I ask you to pray for our family. Pray that we will make the right decisions. Pray that as we go through this we will grow closer and lean on God and remember that we cannot do it alone. Pamela


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