Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Mental break down

A little background, I have been sick for 3 days that I will admit to. I got 2 hours sleep last night. My husband leaves for Airborne school tomorrow and something just does not seem right about it. We are moving a week after he gets home and 4 weeks after we move he will deploy to Iraq AGAIN. So normally I am someone who can deal but this morning I could not deal. When Rob got home from a appointment I said I was going to go lay down and try to get rid of my headache. So I come and lay down in bed for about 30 minutes. For some reason the blinds in my bedroom were open and that got me started. This is what happened over the next hour.
I called Rob (yes he was in the living room). He says he is reading with Faith (he is a amazing husband) so I said OK. A few minutes later he comes in the bedroom and asked what I needed and I said nothing, he said are you sure. That was his first mistake. He said you are suppose to be resting and I said
well I was looking out the window and it reminded me that we need to get rid of the climbing toy and the picnic table and what about the trampoline, are we keeping it, i do not want to keep it, do we throw it away, well I know we do not really have the money to buy a new one when we move. And when I look out the window I realized that we have to empty the lawnmowers and that has not been done and do we need to use a pressure washer on the back porch and well i do not feel good and my head hurts
ROB: uh ha, honey i can take care of this stuff
ME: well what about our bedroom, you see you have clutter on your dressers and how do they pack clutter and what about your guns, what do we have to do for the guns again and your gun cabinet is dusting, i am sorry i do not clean better. What about our satellite, should we return it and get new or should we keep it like we did when we moved here but if we return it then we will get new remotes which is good since i break them (ask another day how i break them). and oh yeah we ran that cord through the wall for our home school satellite and it has to be patched and taken down, and well I am hungry and tired and have a head ache
Rob:honey calm down, do you hear yourself say you do not feel good, this is where this is all coming from.
Me, calmed down, lay ed down and looked up and then said Shoot
Rob: yes dear
Me, what am i going to do with that bottle of perfume, you know the stinky stuff you bought me in Iraq but it smells bad
Rob, you could just throw it away
Me: now we already throw too much away and think about what we are doing to our landfills (is that even a word) and that would be wrong but i can not give it to anyone because it stinks but i can not keep it and what do we do
Rob : trying not to laugh, honey you need to lay down and go to sleep
Me: laying down relaxing and then SHOOT the curtains are dusty and how did they get dusty and see now I have to wash them and I need to make sure all the blankets and bedding are washed the day the movers get here
Rob: honey pack them dirty
Me: ARE YOU CRAZY, what would the movers think about that and then when we get there we have to find them and you have so much to do and you have to hook up the washer and dryer and by the time that is done you will be deploying and then I will have to hang them by myself, I should just wash them and I am tired and do not feel good and my nose is running (at some point i am almost laughing at my own silliness)
Rob: honey it is okay the movers will not care
Me, ooh yeah we need to move out the washer and dryer and clean under them and drain them and what about our laundry organizer that is broken, do we take it and if so it needs to be cleaned, can u take it apart, but if you take it apart now then that means laundry will have to set on the floor and you know what that does to me. OK, I will take it one day at a time. One day I will go through the kitchen cabinets and the next day I will clean out the laundry room, if i take the food off the bookshelf and put in the kitchen it will be packed right and then I will put that empty bookshelf in the living room. speaking of food, when you cleaned the garage you did not clean the top of the fridge (yes we have a second fridge in the garage for rob) and deep freezer. And that fridge still has your worms in it and that freezer still has frozen chicken liver and you are not going fishing anymore and that is just disgusting and I do not feel good
Rob:honey I think you are delirious you need to sleep
Me: I can not sleep because my head feels like it is going to explode and there is allot to do but i am tired and well my nose is running and (okay you can not tell anyone what I am about to tell you). I bend over the side of our bed and pick up a pair of work out pants and blow my nose on them
Rob: I can not believe you just did that, if i even thought about doing anything like that you would hit me upside the head (he is right i would)
Me: I know, I am sorry but they are soft and my nose hurts and they were right here and I did not have to get out of bed, ooh but wait what if I forget that and then put them on, OOH Rob please make sure I put these in the dirty laundry, I am so sorry I just do not know what to do and I am tired and hungry
Rob: He did not say much but I am sure he is calling the local mental hospitals as I type this
Me: okay, I will calm down because I need to go grocery shopping
Rob: no you do not, we have milk
ME: how much milk
Rob: I do not know but we have milk
Me: yeah but you are leaving and it is cold and if I go now then I do not have to take out the kids in the cold and can stay in the house and I have already decided that I am not going back to speech and heritage girls and boy scouts and Aswan's, because we need to get caught up on school. and well I have to go to the grocery store.
Rob:okay honey, I could go for you, I am going out, you need rest.
Me: I will go it will be time alone and you know what, I am hungry because I did not eat all my dinner and do you know what I had for breakfast I had a mountain dew and marshmallow cereal right out of the box and do you know what my friend Melly had she had chips and dip, chips and dip sound really good but we do not have chips and dip and well I want chips and dip and I do not feel good.
Rob, okay I want you to lay down and rest I think you must have taken bad medicine.
Child walks in
Me, yes dear, have you finished your school work, are your chores done, no please do not kiss me i have a cold
Child says okay and no chores are not done and walks out
Rob, I am going to get the kids going on chores and run my errands while you rest I layed grace down for a nap.
Me, okay, I love you, thank you for putting up with me.

I really am okay, I just want anyone who reads my blog to know that I am real and have real moments of anxiety. Right now I have taken time to breathe, pray and pray some more. Taken time to laugh at myself. Thanks for all the offers of help, but really I am okay and I am making it much bigger than it is.


Melly Elizabeth said...

I am so laughing with you right now. I have sooooo been there. (((HUGS)))

Pam, mom, honey, said...

melly, you are only laughing because i told on you for eating chips and dip for breakfast. guess what i am eating for dinner? your RIGHT chips and dip

Lori said...

I am with Robert...don't stress, it will all get done (easy for me to say now that I have finished moving) and I already know how you break your remotes :) By the way, I put all our bedding washed and folded in trash bags with a dryer sheet and taped the bags closed with the name of whose bedding it was on the I am with you on the bedding!
Like you said, one day for each thing...that is what I did. I will be home in two days and you can call me and I will be your cheerleader :)

~bakinghomesteader~ said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one....LOL

Barb said...

I have no idea how it must be to get emotionally ready for your husband to deploy. Is it something you can ever really get ready for? I have such respect and admiration for military families. Thank you for all YOU do!

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