Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Talking about the D word

Today was hard, just plain hard. I feel guilty saying today was hard because it was not me going through it.
It started last night when I went to a friend’s house to babysit so she could go out to dinner with her husband one more time before he left. I saw his luggage setting there. I hate that site, I hate seeing those bags. It might as well be a sign saying dad is leaving, be prepared to have your heart ache.
Today my friends called me to come and pick up her daughter. You see she was at a hanger dropping off her husband. I have seen my husband off seven times before and you would think it would not bother me. But this time I was not numb. I drove up close to the hanger and I could see all the wives and children waiting with their hero have to leave. All I could think was I wish I had my camera. I wish somehow I could capture the look in their faces. It is a face that not many people can understand. It is a combination of someone trying to be strong, with a lost look in their eyes. A look of confusion and fear of the unknown and what is going to happen next. The whole time you want one more hug. You are trying to make sure you said everything that needs said. You are trying to make sure you say I love you enough times to hold him over the next year (now I am in tears again).
Their daughter was not handling all the stimulation well so I brought her home with me and thought about all the drives home I have done. Wondering if I will hear from him soon. Wondering if his plane has left yet or if he is still standing there.
So I came home and we played. A little later my friend came to pick up her daughter. I wanted to break down for her. Because I knew she had not broke down yet. So we turned on a Chonda Pierce DVD for some giggles.
A little while later I looked at my phone and there was a text message from her husband. It said “please help watch over my wife and kids”. UGG, how am I suppose to read that when his wife is 3 feet away and stay strong for her. So I responded with one word “Promise”. And then added that my husband would be there too. Then I let her read what he had written.
By the time I publish this he will be somewhere other than here. And she will have spent her first night without her husband. Her children will go to bed without Dad saying prayers. She will roll over in the morning and his sad of the bed will not have been slept in.
I know that one day we will receive orders for another deployment. I could probably even give a date if I thought too closely about it. And the thought of those good-byes can bring me to tears. The thought of telling my children that dad will miss another birthday or another CHRISTmas will kill me. I guess that is not totally truthful it will not kill me. I will hold my head high, I will stay strong and be there for my children and make it through each day knowing that we are one day closer to him coming home.
So when you see that military spouse or read her blog. Take a moment and pray for her, for her children and for that soldier. Not just for his safety but that he will have a strong support of Christian friends while he is there.
Okay, I am closing for now. This is something I want to get back too one day.


Maleah said...

Oh, Pam.  I don't have any words.  Thank you.

Helene1108 said...

Ugh, this post totally tugged at my heartstrings.  I don't have a husband in the military so I can't identify with the emotions but your words have completely captured what it must feel like.  I can't even imagine.  All military people are heros and we're so thankful for what they do but often times we forget how hard it is on the loved ones they leave behind.  Thank you for sharing this.

linds said...

I cannot think of what to write without babbling, I will write Thank you and leave it at that.

annette said...

so glad you can be there for your friend. I cannot understand what it would be like for my husband to be deployed but I know what its like to be a mother of a deployed marine. Its hard. glad you found your way back to my blog! :)

Post a Comment

Content Troppetrie | Design Poppiness Designs