fear updated

Yesterday I called a counselor that had been recommended by someone in AL, after talking to her for a while she informed me that the first visit needed to be with both parents. When I informed that both parents had to be at first appointment. When I told her we would not have childcare for a long time she said to call her when we did. I asked if she knew of any other Christian counselors and she said NO. I walked into the living room crying and feeling like I would never get the help we needed. A couple of moments later the phone rang and it was her. She had a name of a counselor. So I called and this is how the conversation went
Her: good morning,
Me: explaining why I am calling and do they accept tri care
Her: yes mam, and we even get the referral for you.
Me:WOW, are you taking new patients
Her: yes mam
Me: explaining the last conversation and not having childcare
Her: explaining that it would not be proper for me to leave my children with strangers and how when she moved her 17 years ago and her daughter had a cast and no DR would see her and how she felt lost
Me: crying, and agreeing and feeling safe with her because she understands
Her: we have a play room for children and by the way we have a opening at 4pm
Me: we will take the appointment, crying, excited, nervous, praying
By the way this place is called biblical counseling
Fast forward to appointment
Neat waiting room with toys and puzzles, nothing that I did not want my kids to see
We walk back to see the counselor and he ask questions like
First, is your husband okay with you being the one coming back here.
Me: wow you actually care and understand head of the household
Him: so what brings you here
Me: giving him a 4 page list of our family history and talking about it
Him: so what did you get out of your last counselors, what worked what did not?
Michael: talking and answering some questions, really he is just taking it all in, which is normal for him
Him: so tell me about yours and your husband’s walk with the lord, what kind of church do you go to
Me: thinking wow, crying, trying not to
Michael: playing with the pillow
Him: asking questions and talking about his life
Asking about our goals in life as a family
Him: as we ended he said can I pray with you?
Me: praying, crying, reminding myself of who is in control and that I need to stop trying to handle it all on my own

Over all it was a wonderful first meeting. So they have a normal waiting room and then he has a normal office. But then there are smaller offices that have a ton of window and that office has what looks like a closet (not much bigger) glassed in so if I was talking to the counselor I could see into that room. That room is full of toys and things for the girls to do.
We left and went to target to buy grace shoes and chick fil a for dinner. The counselor will be about 40 minutes away but is totally worth it.

fear

Why do I live in fear, why do I post signs in my house that say all things are possible through God and then cry because I do not get answers quickly. I need to be very honest and say that I worry about my children constantly. My son has some anxiety issues and needs a counselor. Before we moved he was seeing a wonderful Christian counselor and we were making some progress. She got cancer and was not longer available to see him. It was the weekend after Michael had been at his worse. I went in with tears and scarred and she said I can no longer see him. Please, know I was worried for her, prayed for her and care deeply about her. She is doing well and living close to family. But I was lost. So we started with a army counselor. He just could not see us often because he was busy. I was lost. Then we found a new one and he saw Michael twice a week but he was not a Christian counselor and I was worried about what was being put into Michaels head. Okay, fast forward to the move. A friend gave me a number of a counselor here. So I called last week and they returned my phone call today. She was nice but said that the doctor would not see him unless both parents could be there. I told her we just moved here and do not have sitter and that it would be a while before we could find one. She said I am sorry but he will not be able to see you then. I was in instant tears. I asked if she knew of any other Christian counselors and she said no. She said she would talk to the doctor to see what could be done and call me back in a couple days. I again felt lost. Poor me, what am I going to do, I am a failure and cannot even help my own son. So I walk into the living room and am crying to rob when the phone rings again. It is the counselors office. She said I have another name for you. So I hang up and call that place. The place is called biblical counseling. The lady who answers the phone is nice. I ask if they take tri- care (our insurance, which no one normally takes) she says yes and we even get the referral so you do not have to. She tells me how lost she was when she could not find a ortho dr for her daughter during a move. Then we talked about meds and how I have always been opposed to them but that yes my son is on meds now. She comforted me and again shared her opinions. So then I told her about lack of childcare and she said, we have a play room right here and I just put new coloring books in it this morning. I cried, I cried the whole time I was on the phone with her. I said thank you for your help and hung up with a appointment for 4pm. So my question is why do I fear. I think fear is natural but what I have a problem with is that I forget to go to the Lord and say help me. Why do I think I can run the world without his help. Why do I not go to him first when he has been there for me time and time again. Please pray that this afternoons appointment goes well. It is going to mean a 30-45 minute drive each way but if it helps I am willing