How to connect to with your spouse?

How do I stay close to my hero when he is deployed? I have talked to several other wives in the last few weeks about deployment and how hard it is to keep the love alive. I have a friend who talks to her husband twice a day and loves it and talks about everything.
I have to be honest and say there have been lots of times when my hero is on line and I wonder what the point is because I have nothing to say. He cannot really talk about his job even though it is not high security. I love him deeply but for some reason I am not good at starting conversations with him.
This week I got particular snippy with him about not talking to me. You would think that since we have been through this SIX other times we would know how to do this. Maybe it is because we just moved and I am not as involved in things yet so my life is boring.
So how do you keep close to your husband when he is away? I have some suggestions. First be honest and I am not always honest. As army wives we are trained to not complain to our husbands. We are trained to not put any more stress on them. The reality is that by keeping secrets from them it is causing them more stress. Do not get me wrong I do not think every phone call should be about how horrible your life is. But there is nothing wrong with keeping him updated. You want him to come home and not know what is going on at home.
I remember our first few deployments and how he would come home and nothing would be the same, I would re arrange furniture, re arrange where things like toilet paper is kept. Please know my hero found it comical because he knows I do this all the time. But, when I moved his clothes out of our bedroom closet to give myself more space that was not so smart.
Ok, so back to the point of this post. How do you keep close to your husband? First and most importantly pray for your husband. Not just for his safety in a war zone. But for his emotional and spiritual self. Pray that he will see God in the war (or deployment or field problem). Pray for the people around him that he would be able to lift them up and that they would be able to lift them up. Honest I pray that my husband is not exposed to things like porn or other women. Ladies, our men are as lonely as we are but we have friends and church and facebook (snicker, snicker). They have lonely nights in lonely rooms with nothing but the internet.
Second, make time for him. Man this is the hardest thing ever. Do I set by my phone and computer 24 hours a day or do I risk that precious phone call. If I miss a call, or miss him when he is on line I feel horrible guilt. So I had to talk to Rob about this. His first response was “honey, you have to live your life”. But that did not help. What I had to realize is that I have to give myself some slack and realize that I may not be there.
Third, there are a couple of ways I stay connected. I write him nightly on my blog. His first 6 deployments I would literally write 6 or 8 page letters a day. Four kids later it just does not happen. I post the letters to him on my blog because I really do want others to understand what life is really like when your spouse is deployed. I have to admit I am not always totally honest. Like when Hope dropped a soda on my foot and it hurt a million times more than I admitted. Writing on my blog also lets me send him pictures daily. Why do I write about the silly things like how we had chicken for dinner? Because he cares, as silly as it sounds he likes knowing that I cooked dinner.
Another thing I do is send him cards. Three deployments ago I sent a ton of homemade cards but now I go to Dollar General, Dollar tree, Walgreens, Family Dollar and pick up cards every week. They have a ton of 50 cent or dollar cards. I have sent him 20 Father’s Day cards, one for each day of June. Soon I will be sending him 21 anniversary cards, one for each day of July. I am sure you are thinking that is a lot of time and money. NOPE, remember where I bought them. And I keep them in a large Ziploc with tape and stamps. Then when I am setting at the DR’s office I can address them. Because, I am not tech savvy to make address labels. I will get all 20 ready to go at one time. Then set them by my front door and remind the kids to take them down daily. I wrote Happy Father’s Day on the front so he would know the difference. I do the same thing with everyday cards. I like to put scripture in them. So if you know any good ones let me know. You know the cards are neat because they say something cute. Which always gives me ideas of something to write about?
My marriage is good but it is a lot of work. We have had our ups and our downs. I am determined to not let this deployment or any other hurt my marriage.
Now to packages, what do you send your spouse? Everyone says homemade goodies. Mine prefers that I not send him homemade goodies. So I send him 100 calorie snacks. I send him beef jerky, his favorite toothpaste. He loves scented candles but cannot have them so I send him smelling things. I also send him clean pillowcases with a fabric sheets. There is nothing better than putting your head on a pillow that smells like home.
So how do you stay close to your spouse when he is away? I would love to hear your suggestions and ideas.

the plans

Why does it seem so hard this time. I have been through this six other times and this is definitely our shortest time. He will leave in April and be back around Aug 1. I guess maybe because I had convinced myself that maybe just maybe he would not have to go. I guess because what most of you do not know is my son is going through allot right now and well I just do not know how I can handle it alone. I mean I know I can. But how, how will I find sitters, do I even need sitters. How will I keep up with the lawn, will we have time to get the lawnmower fixed, how will his mom handle it, how will my mom handle it. Okay I am feeling a peace even as I type this. I know that I serve a amazing God and he is with me, he has been with us through the last six times so why do I not think he will not handle it this time. So for today I will enjoy that he is here that we have friends visiting, that I have been given 2 years without a deployment. That we are settled in our home and we are all healthy.

Plans for the next stage of our life

Rob went back to work on Wednesday. He picked up his TA 50 today and he has a meeting this afternoon with the Major to discuss the plans for him. The last we heard was his unit is in the sand and he would be joinging them on April 1. I would be lying if I told you my stomach is not in knots. I would be lying if I told you I have not dreaded and looked forward to this day for months. I would be lying if I told you I think I can hold it all together if Rob comes home and tells me he is deploying AGAIN. I would be lying if I told you that the thought of being in a new part of the country without my husband scares me. I would be lying if I told you that I sleep sound at night and do not worry about how I will handle Rob leaving again and finding childcare and keeping up with everything. I would be lying if I told you I was not worried about how another deployment will affect my children. I would be lying if I said I was not worried about how my husband would mentally handle another deployment. I would be lying if I did not say I want to hibernate right now and not answer the phone when he calls. I would be lying if I said I am not really excited that we have friends spending the weekend so that if we find out bad news we will have a distraction. I would be lying if I said we are not going to tell the kids we are letting them keep the kitten the minute we find out he is deploying.
Please pray that no matter the answer he gets this afternoon we will handle it with a positive attitude.