Not Me Monday

What a week or two it has been. And I truly hope you do not think less of me for all of this.

1. I did not forgot to read mckmammas not me Monday because I was in to big of a hurry to send her mine. Honestly I enjoy reading her blog for several reasons and it drives me batty when people comment only to say, okay I am first. Not me I would never give so much thought to someone else’s blog.

2. I did not ruin a batch of brownies because I did not follow the directions, I know how to double things but I was trying to talk on the phone and take care of kids. And I definitely did not then through the extra sweetened condensed milk down the drain before I was even done cooking. I am a better cook then this and I know how expensive trying new recipes are.

3.I did not force my 8 year old to talk on the phone, fix the broken drawer in the fridge and stir something on the stove all while I was banging into her arm saying mommy, mommy. I know she is only 8 and can not expect her to handle things like I do.

4. I did not convince hope to take the dog into my room and watch Martha speaks so our dog could learn to talk and even offer to buy him alphabet soup. All this so I could finish my baking without mistakes.

5. My 3 year old is not totally interested in the Bible because she has my husbands outdoorsmen’s Bible and it has fishing pictures in it. I have shown them the love of the Bible without making it about pictures and such.

6. I did not dry shave the bottom four inches of my legs when I got out of the shower and remember I had not shaved. It is summer and I know I need to shave my legs, not me because I know how much this makes my legs hurt and that I will probably be rubbing them until they are red now.

BIG ONE

7. Okay this was definitely not the conversation in my house because in my house we do not talk about bodily functions and if you get sick you clean it up yourself, honestly all my kids can clean up there own upchuck because I can not handle bodily things. So here was the conversation

Hope walks into the living room and says “look mom, someone peed in the soap dispenser:

ME, no they did not, the soap was green, it must have been watered down and is now yellow

Hope, no mom it is pee

Me: let me see that, ooh it is warm, ooh yuck the smell, it is pee (surely I would not feel warm and the be silly enough to smell it)



Me to hope: go pour that out and wash your hands

Me to kids: who peed in the soap dispenser, no comment from anyone?

Me to husband on the phone; someone peed in the soap dispenser

Husband to me: okay well it is sterile and can be put on cuts

Me to kids: okay if someone does not admit they did it, dad will come home and take it to be tested to see whose it is (I would never lie to my kids, and I surely would not assume it was my 12 year old son who did this, knowing it is totally out of his comfort zone)

Hope to everyone: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, it was me

Me: why, why oh why would you do that, who would do that

Hope: I just wanted to see if I could

Fast forward to that night after I blogged about it and hope heard me on the phone

8. Hope to mom: crying, please do not tell anyone else

Me: why

Hope: because they will tell there kids not to talk to me

Me: okay do you promise not to do anything like that again

Okay are you ready for her response

Hope: BUT MOOOOOOOOOOOM, I DID NOT FILL IT UP

MOM; loosing it completely, what kind of children have I raised.

9. I did not look up the spelling bee on tues, wed and Thursday and even call my kids in to watch the spelling bee. Only to realize it is next week. I realized that on tues and wed and Thursday. I did have the timers on and was wondering why it did not go off

10. I did not trick my husband into taking me to the mall to WALK when really I was only willing to walk so I could stop at Barnes and noble. I know he really wants me to start walking with him every day and I need the exercise

11. I did not let my son start a blog because I knew he would have to practice spelling, grammar and typing. He does not even understand face book and my space



Okay after Rob got sick

12. I did not order my kids a large soda to share at McDonalds this morning because I was too cheap to buy 4 milks, I know I need to teach them healthy eating habits, I also most certainly do not order grape jelly every time we eat out to bring home

13. I did not smack my husband in the forehead and say, you do not have a fever you do not get a vacation to the bedroom, even though he is on three antibiotics and has a drain in his leg from a spider bite. (okay this was day one before things were so serious) I know he needs rest and I know I want to go to bed when I am sick and in pain.

14. I did not almost loose my temper with the army on Friday and say something a good army wife would never say. I know better than that, I have been trained better than that.

15. I did not encourage my kids to watch TV and play video games all weekend to keep them quiet while dad was resting

16. I did not take school work into the doctor’s office and have DH help me with it, I know that was the last thing he wanted to do but they needed to be busy



After Rob was admitted

17. I did not order my husbands food wrong and him get cereal with no milk and sausage and diet pepsi, I think it was all the hospitals fault because the lady taking the order could not come in the room with us because she could catch Robs bug. Surely a good wife would have realized what she was doing and made sure he had good food

18. I most surely did not find a plunger in the bathroom sink, ten minutes before home health comes in, I know things need to be kept really clean

19. I did not scare my husband during our first bandage change, by putting on gloves and coming near him and then stop, take a deep breathe and then out loud say “he bought a boat behind my back, he bought me the worlds worse mothers day gift, he took me to a fishing even on valentines day. I would never scare him like this just to see what he would say. Really I had been crying for 2 days because I was so scared of hurting him. I did not also change his bandages while my children were fighting over whom could read the best and not staying In bed.

19. After I calmed down from changing robs bandages I was not setting in my chair relaxes and my dear daughters come in and do this:

Mom LOOK, what someone put in the toilet and I had to stick my hand in there and get it out. There was a piece of clean gauze in the saline so I dumped it and washed my hand but forgot to flush. Surely she would have learned her lesson the other day after peeing in the soap dispenser.. I am capable of keeping a clean sterile house, I know I can, I may loose my mind but I can.

20. I did not hit my husband in the back of the head because he was over doing it yesterday morning when I left him home with Michael while I went to church. I would never do such a thing; I do love and respect my husband.

21. I did not have 20 not me Mondays, I am a better person than this. I do not think I need a award for all the things I have done wrong this week. Let’s see how about Hershey bars with mountain dew a the new chondra pierce DVD