Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Why do I live in fear, why do I post signs in my house that say all things are possible through God and then cry because I do not get answers quickly. I need to be very honest and say that I worry about my children constantly. My son has some anxiety issues and needs a counselor. Before we moved he was seeing a wonderful Christian counselor and we were making some progress. She got cancer and was not longer available to see him. It was the weekend after Michael had been at his worse. I went in with tears and scarred and she said I can no longer see him. Please, know I was worried for her, prayed for her and care deeply about her. She is doing well and living close to family. But I was lost. So we started with a army counselor. He just could not see us often because he was busy. I was lost. Then we found a new one and he saw Michael twice a week but he was not a Christian counselor and I was worried about what was being put into Michaels head. Okay, fast forward to the move. A friend gave me a number of a counselor here. So I called last week and they returned my phone call today. She was nice but said that the doctor would not see him unless both parents could be there. I told her we just moved here and do not have sitter and that it would be a while before we could find one. She said I am sorry but he will not be able to see you then. I was in instant tears. I asked if she knew of any other Christian counselors and she said no. She said she would talk to the doctor to see what could be done and call me back in a couple days. I again felt lost. Poor me, what am I going to do, I am a failure and cannot even help my own son. So I walk into the living room and am crying to rob when the phone rings again. It is the counselors office. She said I have another name for you. So I hang up and call that place. The place is called biblical counseling. The lady who answers the phone is nice. I ask if they take tri- care (our insurance, which no one normally takes) she says yes and we even get the referral so you do not have to. She tells me how lost she was when she could not find a ortho dr for her daughter during a move. Then we talked about meds and how I have always been opposed to them but that yes my son is on meds now. She comforted me and again shared her opinions. So then I told her about lack of childcare and she said, we have a play room right here and I just put new coloring books in it this morning. I cried, I cried the whole time I was on the phone with her. I said thank you for your help and hung up with a appointment for 4pm. So my question is why do I fear. I think fear is natural but what I have a problem with is that I forget to go to the Lord and say help me. Why do I think I can run the world without his help. Why do I not go to him first when he has been there for me time and time again. Please pray that this afternoons appointment goes well. It is going to mean a 30-45 minute drive each way but if it helps I am willing
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