Monday, February 27, 2012

A Bad Dream

A bad dream, it is 5am and I am awake because I had a bad dream. I slept well last night. But I dreamed…. Last night I dreamed that my hero and I were away by ourselves only we were in our home town. I dreamed I woke up one morning and he was not there. At first I thought he had gone to the store but his truck was there. Then I went on about my morning thinking I must be forgetting something. He could not be found. I called his mom and his friends. No one had heard from him. He had just disappeared.
In my dream everyone around me is going on with their day because that is what people do but in my dream I am panicked because my hero has disappeared and it is not like him. My cell phone broke right in half in the dream but could be held together to use. It broke right down the middle, so weird.
I dreamed I was trying to call staff duty to report him missing but my phone was not working and no one else’s phone was working right.
The last part of the dream was me getting into his truck to drive to by a new phone. I awake and laid there praying for my husband. Praying that I will not allow fear to consume me. Reminding myself that this was only a dream. And then role play in my head what would happen if he really was gone. I hate nights like this. They do not come often. But honestly they come. So I got out of bed, walked into the living room with the lights off and checked the driveway for government vehicles. I know they do not make notifications this early (I have done the training).
I use to (many deployments ago) would not turn on my lights until I checked the drive way. But honestly I do not do that anymore. I am stronger now, my Faith is stronger.
I want to be honest on my blog. I have a friend who called me the day my hero deployed and was a little shocked that I was not a total mess. I am really doing okay. But when things are bad I want you to know. I want you to understand really what it is like to have a soldier who is deployed.
God is good and right this minute I have no fear. My husband does not do a scary job in case you were wondering. We actually kind of laugh because he really has more of a desk job now.


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